its fresh, its new, and its excruciating.... all i could think of is all the 'it could have been'... no matter how i dont want to feel alone, i am now... the donned beddings when i get home makes me lonelier than i could have remembered... all i can remember is when i get home, the usual 'hows your day at work?' with the biggest cuddle and biggest kiss planted on my cheeks... the mornings where i wake uo=p with 'baby you got to get up, you'll be late at work'.... or the lights turned off already when i momentarily half asleep half awake goes to the loo...
now... i wake up my lights are still on with the tv and dvd on during the morning... my small bed feels spaciously cold... im in the gloomiest mood at work and i try not to stay home so i could stop smelling the blanky he left me....
silly how i went to the groceries and smelled the entire rack of softeners of which his laundry lady uses so i could use it and preserve the smell he carries before all the time...
like a little girl, i keep wishing and praying he'd come back and dreamily would have the look that he'd never let me go, or he'd ask me to come away with him and leap with the blindness of future...
most of the time i fantasize with his last name in the end of mine....
sometimes, i plan to move closer to him but i'm scared that if i follow, he'll still leave me....
the truth is.... i fell inlove for him, still inlove with him.... and i know this because it still hurts so much....so so much
if only....
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